Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Well I'm not exactly gonna walk around wrestling elephants

One hour lunch breaks.
They cease to make any sense to me...

It's not long enough to sit down order and consume a decent meal at a restaurant, it's not long enough for you to wander off do a bit of shopping and eat, it's barely even enough to go home cook and come back, run errands like queuing at the bank on top of eating your 'delicious' lunch meal of course, or even to get a power nap when in dire need...

Yet, it's too long for you to get an over the counter meal and shove down your oesophagus, it's too long for you to not have time to do anything else but enough to be sitting around waiting for your lunch break to finish, because come on... you're not going to give up your unpaid time to work for the very people who employed you and gave you this de-meaningful lunch break

It's MY home too.

About to get evicted, shunned from what I used to call home.


I don't even get nice "how are you?" messages anymore... Anytime you contact me is

"Do you still want your shit?"
"Keeping the table or shall I give it away?"
"Want that plant? You left it to die here anyway"
"I rang you but you didn't pick up................ it was about your books... want them?"

It just... hurts... Everytime I get comfortable somewhere begin to fluff my feathers; We move house. I've got nowhere I can truly call home anymore; there aren't enough memories. How can they be so cold to just throw it all away? I left my clothes / things there on purpose, I thought it'll give them a message that even though I'm at uni, I still live there, I still belong there. Now I need to find space to pile the rest of my things; especially with all the deadlines at uni at the moment... How can I handle that AND moving... worse off is they'll be living at my grandparents leaving me with nowhere comfortable...

I just hate it. HATE IT that you don't respect me, or my things, take what you want and leave the rest to rot along side the trash.

Treat me as your own why don't you

"I want us to be friends" Boxing Day 2009 Bullshit.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

I'm sorry.. but I'm in love

ha i know.... 'gasm right? x


and so i proceeded to tweet without thinking:
"oh.. sorry you're goin hk this year? i'd love to tell u about everythin goin down with things ur not invited to;with the pple who dont kno u"
then i remembered to whom it was aimed at; follows me (==) whuuuuuuuups!
it's like part 2 of shitting on my toilet... yeah I'm not going... but somehow I care... about people who are my friends finding other people who are my friends but are none other remotely linked than through me.. get your own

so i tell myself
they're just being friendly

Don't fucking take a shit on my toilet

As you may or may not gathered this is a semi angry post.
Ahh I hate it when nosey people intrude onto something personal to you; ok fine it's a public place, and ok yeah they have as much right to have it as you do.... BUT OH MY GOD FIND YOUR OWN!

see now where am I gonna bitch about you?

aha. I joke of course............................. :)

Maybe they're tryna be nice and get to know you more or all this hype about some place or thing your on about... but HELLO? IT'S CALLED PERSONAL SPACE / PERSONAL IDENTITY. and you. yes you. your robbing it.

get what I mean? totally.

Monday, 29 March 2010


Out of all people, why did I pick you? For some reason it's almost become (that I can bring myself to think of) a daily thing to think about you... Or rather us, our past maybe even;

They say you could be an example of the worst person to have any relations with, but to justify any means of regret I pull it back by finding some kind of reason why you weren't. Then I proceed to kicking myself in the foot and asking was I right to let it end?

I ask myself daily, am I really who you say I've become? My planner sure has gotten busier

as per usual I digress.

So let's begin, from the beginning shall we?
You came into my life when it was at an all time high; I loved my social, I loved my travels, I loved acting the fool, what can I say... I was young.
There was a boy that I'd secretly liked; and another who I'd taken a liking to; one gave me mixed signals, and the other thought it'd be cool to play hot and cold; both. Didn't have the balls to tell me how they felt to my face.

So where did you come in? You were my behind the scenes comfort zone, the silly innuendic comments to the heart-warming prep talks, even the random stupid-o-clock phonecalls.

You were outgoing
You were funny
You were sensitive

Unlike the others... you knew what you wanted.

Thinks was sweet for a while, it was a good break from all the other seriousness around me, yes I took it all for a joke, you just weren't that kinda person. To my surprise things began getting serious...

Then things turned sour;
the boy I secretly liked and inevitably truly cared for didn't want to be any part of my life; because of you.
the amazing, you could almost say one of, best friend stopped talking to me; because of you.
another friend who I felt I could turn to in times of need turned his back on me too; because of you.

But I was willing to overlook it all in hope you could be better to me and mean more to me than they ever will. Now I'm not saying you wasn't and you didn't. We shared some amazing experiences and leapt over barriers I've never thought I'd accomplish, when it was in your intentions you tried to make things everything I'd ever dreamed...

But it always seemed so hyperreal to me. Because they were things I had dreamed, was it even dreamed? I know I can't call you a psychic, but if you really had enough interest surly you could have interpreted your own thoughts and ideas into 'us'... again, I'm not saying you didn't, but anytime I can remember when you did, all i got was :

I was gonna ........................
which was amazing; sadly it was more than often followed by a

Sometimes, I do miss you, and your goofyness.
Sometimes, I think about regretting things.
More than often, I think about what I'd "lost"
But then I ask myself, was it such a bad thing?

27th April 2007 "I would have stayed if you had asked me to" x

I don't like it short.

It's taken me a month or so; BUT I'M BORED OF SHOT HAIR NOW.

I get a constant dilemma/fear (ok yes I'm self concious) of looking like a boy/lesbian purely because of the cut. With legnth you have more to do! You can crimp, curl, wave, tie, plait, this can go on.. you name it! But with less to work with you got less to do! Plus my semi tomboy wardrobe was built for lengthy hair (ok.. that doesn't make sense) for a girlish head that could use a bit of "boy"... with a boyish cut boy + boy just = man! to counter act it I need a girlier wardrobe but.. fine tuned... I'm talking drabble... you kinda get what I mean


They say a girls hair, is one of her greatest accessories

hello world

this feels... good; imagine stretched out on a sun bed with a iced cocktail in hand with the sun softly glaring down as you bask in his warmth surrounded by soft sand and a hint of a breeze coming from soft strokes of waves brushing in on the shore with nobody around;

Your own perfect paradise.

That's how this feels.
It's always nice to have something of your own; where it's just you... and the keyboard; vent to your hearts content without any pressure to conform to everyday commodities.

I had a xanga once. it got infected
I have a twitter. it's getting infected

which brings me onto blogging and micro blogging. Micro blogging has changed me, this need to create witty strap lines confined to 140 characters without being boring or mundane; blogging almost looses it's meaning; yet with all your energy being pumped into that: you loose the time effort or even passion to express yourself

i digress

Well, after a month of procrastination careful consideration, I've made my way onto blogspot